Happy Holidays!

I know. I've been bad. I ran off, got married, and just totally abandoned this blog. Well I figured with the holidays and the New Year approaching, a little status update was due.

The honeymoon was AMAZING ... actually, it was more than amazing, in fact it was so much more than amazing that I can't find a word adequate to describe how amazing it was so I'm just going to have to stick with the all caps AMAZING. Greece and Italy were beautiful, there was so much history, and it was quite the experience to be able to see so many spots that I have learned about throughout my schooling as a Philosophy major as well as places of biblical significance.

A particularly interesting thing to me was, apparently Peter the Disciple's bones are buried under St. Peter's Basilica, which is of course the catholic church in the Vatican City. The reason that this blew me away is that Jesus told Peter in the bible that he would be the rock that the church is built on. Now most people attribute that to the fact that Peter went around spreading the gospel and building up churches, which I also think is what Jesus was referring to, but I definitely thought it was interesting that the epicenter of the Catholic Church was LITERALLY built on top of Peter's bones. Crazy!

The food in both Italy and Greece were, of course, amazing, and we ate and drank ourselves silly as we ventured throughout those two countries.

When the honeymoon was over, Alex and I parted ways at the Philly Airport, and I went to CA and Alex went up to ND.(Side note: Alex and I have been together for over 4 years, have traveled all over the world together, and flown definitely over 10 times, each, in the last 2 years, and we have never flown a full round trip flight together. Military life.... am I right or what?)

My mom and I loaded up my car and we made our way to my next home for the next couple of years. We got to drive through beautiful Utah, and even got to drive through Yellowstone park which was an added bonus.

So what have we been doing since we got to Minot? Well I'll show you!

Alex learned how to mow the lawn. To this date he has mowed the lawn ... once. 

I made this halloween wreath to hang on the door, but ... 

... it flew away when all the snow and wind came shortly after we hung it up. 

I stood in the snow and got to watch the planes take off one particularly frigid afternoon ... 

 I've been buying my produce at a local co-op which has been pretty cool, since fresh produce can be kind of pricy up here. The problem with this website? They usually offer one produce item in bulk, which I am tempted every time to buy. Once they offered 48 pounds of cucumbers for $20(!) so I ... learned how to pickle and can! I am currently trying to eat 25 lbs of tangerines before Christmas.

I got a job at a law firm downtown (yup DOWNTOWN) as a paralegal, and I have learned: a) my boss is an avid hunter b) caribou, aka reindeer, are very big and  c) it is perfectly acceptable to have caribou heads mounted in a law office. 

I went to my first hockey game(GO MINOTAUROS!) and while Alex had been to hockey games before, this was the first time either of us had seen a tooth ice skating. 

We celebrated Channukah on the first night of Passover by making latkes, eating apples dipped with honey(wrong holiday but still delicious), watching "Eight Crazy Nights" and decorating dreidels.

... and finally, I saw my car read a negative temperature for the first time!

Well that's all for now folks! I want to wish everyone a very happy holiday season (another side note: I say "Happy Holidays" not cause I'm afraid to offend anyone who doesn't celebrate Christmas, I mean if you don't want to be Merry, it's your loss and you're an unmerry loser so I don't care, but because it's easier than saying "Merry Christmas and Happy Channukah and Happy New Year!" I would just hate for someone to mistake my laziness for political correctness.) and I hope that the New Year brings you more blessings and joys than you could have ever dreamed!

Almost there!

Well, we are about two weeks out from the big day and I thought that I would just take some time to talk about my feelings as I like to do from time to time. I mean after all, in a year, two years, maybe even in a month from now, I'm going to be the only person revisiting these pages so ... who cares what you think anyways!

A mere 15 days and I get to swear in front of friends, family, and God that I promise to take care of and love one person for the rest of my life no matter what. Well, lucky for me that's the easy part! The hard part is delivering the most fabulous wedding that anyone has ever seen!(ok maybe my expectations are a little high ... but you know ... reach for the moon .. or something) I wouldn't say that I have reached "panic mode" just yet, but I can feel it coming on. 2 weeks seems like it is so close and so far all at once and my perception of my list of things to do switches back and forth from manageable to overwhelming(which I guess is dependent on my perception of time, but that's a talk for a different day). Sometimes I do find myself in serious Bridezilla mode, but these days that mostly occurs on late nights when I'm working on the programs. I think that the best thing about the programs is that I got to buy a paper cutter! But that's it. I'd say about 20 programs in I began to question how important it actually was for guests to know who was who and what was going on. My vote is that it's not important at all, however I have already cut 500 pieces of paper into various shapes and sizes and so, I guess I must continue to assemble. But a word of advice, if you aren't absolutely positively sold on having programs and you're doing it yourself, pass on it, it's worth the reduction of your stress and anxiety. Or buy a paper cutter! Trust me, it's worth it!

I will definitely admit I moan and whine and complain to Alex about the wedding all the time occasionally, and how we should have just gotten married on the beach with our immediate families around us, but then I remember that if we had done that I wouldn't get to wear my dress ... and yes, my dress is worth ALL of this. :)

Other things I'm excited about: My flowers. They are going to be gorgeous and I can't wait to see the finished product!!!!! I am very excited that I get to incorporate my two favorite flowers into the bouquets and didn't necessarily plan it, but I'm really glad it worked out that way. I haven't quite figured out what I'm going to do with the flowers that I'm saving though. Any ideas?

All in all I think I'm in pretty good shape. It has been kind of tough planning a wedding while I'm in and out of town and without the groom, but fortunately I was able to make wedding planning my full time job(when I'm actually around) so that has definitely helped.

I am still excited for the wedding, think it will be a total BLAST, and can't wait to walk down that aisle and become Mrs. Kroll!

Let freedom ring!

I just had to ... I love this song...

ANYWAY ... when people other than Martina McBride think of the fourth of July, they think of barbecues, going to the beach, pool parties, and other fun things. For me fourth of July is always a painful memory, why? Because it is my little brother's birthday and every year, on fourth of July he would request that we go to Sea World, and so we drove to San Diego and back, through all the traffic, EVERY fourth of July ... and I HATE Sea World. Nothing about Sea World is fun and exciting for me. Maybe it's because I never wanted to be there in the first place, or that sitting around watching whales jump out of a pool doesn't quite do it for me, or maybe cause ... oh I don't know, we grew up 10 minutes away from the ocean and we could see dolphins doing the same exact thing in the ocean DAILY if we so desired, whatever the reason I am not a fan of Sea World.

Anyways, that was actually kind of a tangent. My little brother's birthday is tomorrow and he's turning 20. And he's going to Russia. And because he won't be around to celebrate his departure from teen-dom, we decided to throw him a little birthday celebration tonight:

In wedding news: I ordered our cake today! I am very excited for it, and I just kind of randomly picked designs for the cake, so let's see how it goes ... Regardless of what it looks like, I know that it's going to taste delicious, so everyone can rest assured of that. I also dropped off my dress at the tailor's, and it's a little nerve racking to not have it in my possession, but the tailor lives literally 2 blocks away, so there's always that. Other than that, I'm just taking care of little things here and there like designing programs and oh yeah, getting scuba certified! I went to my bachelorette party this weekend and I had a blast! We went to San Diego, and did some snorkeling and it definitely whet my appetite for exploring the world "under the sea"(of course I had to work in a Disney reference there). 

Here is a picture of me with my bridesmaids:  

ALSO: Alex and I have secured a house on base! It is such a blessing that we got offered a house because there are many people who arrived around the same time and they did not get as lucky as we did. I met a girl who had to wait 9 months to get a house! We definitely got lucky. I will be leaving shortly after I return from our honeymoon, and needless to say, I am very happy about that. Knowing when I'm going to be there, definitely makes the waiting process much more bearable. The next step is finding a job, so please pray that I get a good one! 

Alright folks, that's all I got for tonight!

Only the Best Come North!

Yes ... I am here. I have arrived in Minot, ND, though not permanently and it's ... well cute. The city is small, it has a population of about 40,000 people, and to the great joy of Alex, it has a Pita Pit.

We left Louisiana on early Friday ... ok, we tried to leave early Friday but everywhere we went to finish up that "last little thing" something, as it always does, went wrong. We got into Kansas City late Friday night, enjoyed some beer, good food, and free live music at the Gordon Biersch in the Power and Light District. The next morning we got up early for another exciting day of driving through Missouri, Nebraska, Iowa, South Dakota, and North Dakota, until we arrived in Fargo. It was very pretty country but it all kind of looked like this:

It was very pretty and green, but also very ... very flat. We ate at another brewery restaurant in Fargo, which was also pretty good(and they are planning to build a location in Minot in only one and a half years!), got to watch the Heat give the Celtics a piece of humble pie, and had an all in all good evening. This morning we drove through some more flat land and arrived at Minot Air Force Base via the "Magic City Gate", which had "ONLY THE BEST COME NORTH" proudly emblazoned on the top.  Finding no reason to disagree, we proceeded to the dorm room that Alex had reserved for himself, only to find that the key that they gave us did not work. Not only did it not work, but the dorm office was closed. Perfect. Luckily someone in the building helped us into his dorm, which turned out to be a little bit of a disappointment. Lucky for us, our friend from Barksdale is letting us crash with them for a little bit, until we get this whole dorm room situation figured out. Starting with tracking down the right key.  

On a side note, as soon as we got into town we stopped by the one and only Kroll's Diner for lunch where they had 2 for 1 root beer floats! Awesome! Alex was not nearly as impressed with the fare as I was, probably cause the only thing they had for him to eat was a fish sandwich and I forced a root beer float on him(TWO FOR ONE!), but I know that I will be going back. (In case you don't know about the wonderful Kroll's Diner.)

Alex was not nearly as impressed with the fare as I was, probably cause the only thing they had for him to eat was a fish sandwich and I forced a root beer float on him(TWO FOR ONE!), but I know that I will be going back. (In case you don't know about the wonderful Kroll's Diner.)

I also wanted to show you a picture of what 10 pm in Minot, ND looks like. It's kind of a crappy picture cause I didn't want to turn off all of the lights in the room, or open the window just to show you, but you get the general idea. It is very bright. 

Last but not least, wedding invites are out! I can't believe the wedding is only 2 months and 8 days away! I am extremely excited and yes, I have been having some Bridezilla moments, but hopefully they aren't too bad for those effected by my outbursts. 

Alright, I'm drawing all the shades and heading to bed. Gotta save up all that energy for unpacking the truck!

I LOVE LA

Los Angeles that is! This last week has been so beautiful and I've been having so much fun visiting the ocean and soaking up the sunshine. The drive over here was spectacular and my friend Shannon and I had a blast seeing some of the most beautiful parts of the country. Here are some pictures I took along the way, and then some.

These are pictures I took from the Carlsbad Caverns(which were incredible, in case you didn't know):

Here is the famous Barringer Meteor Crater in all it's glory ... yep there it is.... 

As you may or may not know I'm kind of a big fan of food, and eating in general. You may think that most people like food, but I guarantee you, most people do not like food the way that I like food. Well, one of my favorite shows to watch is Man v. Food. I don't know if you've seen the show, but the premise is that this guy named Adam Richmond visits cities throughout the United States and competes in the various eating challenges that the restaurants have. Our first stop was Austin, Tx, so naturally I looked up what the eating challenge there might be(secretly with the hopes of attempting it). The eating challenge in Austin was at this delicious little Mexican restaurant called Juan in a Million which specializes in breakfast burritos, tacos, and the like. The eating challenge is to eat EIGHT ... read 'em EIGHT of these bad boys shown below. What exactly is "shown below" you ask? Well, it is a heaping pile of potatoes, bacon, egg, and cheese served with 3 flour tortillas. I managed to eat one and a half tortillas filled with the delicious mixture, and I highly doubt that I was able to stuff even half of that gooey goodness into the two tortillas. It was, however, delicious, and I seriously regret not being able to grab it to go. 

Before we visited the actual Caverns, we stayed in a KOA Cabin just outside of the city of Carlsbad, and when we walked up to the Welcome Center, we found this sign. How cute is this? 

As you can tell, and as I've said, we had a super fun time on our road trip adventure. Needless to say, though, I am so excited to be home. I can't believe this is the place that I got to grow up in and this is the place that I get to call home, I am seriously so blessed. Like today, I went to the beach with a couple of my friends and we poked around in the tide pools and found some cool things. Let's have a look:

 This rock is covered in baby Sea Anemones, at least they looked like babies to me

Close up shot of the babies(Yes, I confess, I spent a good, few minutes poking at each one) 

I have no idea what that is, it looks like an alien to me ... that must be it

My friends torturing playing with sand crabs. There were so many!

STARFISH!

More sea anemones 

Isn't it beautiful? 

Well that's all for now folks. As far as wedding planning goes, I'm working on invitations and then centerpieces are next! It's creeping up so fast that I can't believe it's only like 3 months away! Eek! Better get crackin'!

Warrior Dash

So I don't know if you guys remember, but Alex and I went to Warrior Dash a few weeks ago with our friends Ryan and Jenny Russell. In case you don't remember:

Well I finally got around to washing the clothes from the Warrior Dash, after abandoning them to the patio for the last couple weeks "to dry". First, I decided to take it to the laundromat because, why would I want to wash those muddy clothes in MY washing machine? When my clothes were finished washing I peaked inside to examine the clothes, and they still had some dirt and sand on them. Disappointed with the inadequate washing job, I put the clothes in my bag to take home for a good old fashioned hand washing. When I pulled all of the clothes out of the washing machine I was surprised to see that the bottom of the washing machine was COVERED in sand. It was practically a sand box. Oops.

So then I brought it home to be hand washed, and this is what was in the bath tub AFTER that first cycle at the laundromat:

Gross right? So after that they went into our washing machine, to be soaked, pre washed, heavy duty washed, and just for fun maybe even run through the "permanent press" cycle.

Moral of the story: If you go to Warrior Dash, wear clothes that you are willing to throw away after.

Happy Easter!

Hey all, Happy Easter! I must say, one impressive thing about the South is how big of a deal Easter is. I mean, I got Good Friday off! It's really a shame that adults aren't allowed to participate in the gigantic easter egg hunts that the churches down here put on, I would love to come home with a basket full of colored eggs and other treats. Speaking of coming home with treats, we went to a crawfish boil and came home with a GIANT bag of crawfish tails, so I decided to whip up a little comeback sauce, Mississippi style, and fashioned us some Crawfish Po'boys. Yum.

So this party that we went to, it was a blast, but it was in the evening time and I did get some mosquito bites, and my right foot is swollen and numb. See:

Disgusting right? It actually hurts to walk. Ugh. I can't stop looking at it. 

So anyways, I'm super excited cause my lovely friend Shannon O'Connor is coming to visit me in 9 days! I'm excited to show her around the Bayou, drink some yummy daquiris, and eat some "adult ice cream". We will then be heading to sunny So. Cal. and along the way visiting the Carlsbad Caverns and Meteor Crater in Arizona. Needless to say I'm pretty pumped, although clearly not pumped enough to pack ... better get to it ... maybe after another glass of sweet tea ... 

Spring has sprung ...

... and the bugs and mustaches are out in full swing. There are so many bugs out and about and flying around and hanging out right outside our doors. I'm not exactly afraid of bugs, and I'm not really that squeamish either, I just hate mosquitos. Why? Because I am allergic to mosquitos. Let me tell you what happens when one of theses suckers bites me, I'm sure I'll have pictures soon enough. The first thing that happens is that it's very itchy, which is pretty normal. Then the area gets hot. Then the area swells up into this giant, red, hot, puffy mound on whatever appendage has been attacked, with a diameter of roughly 6 inches. The WORST part is that if the bit takes place remotely close to a joint, such as a knee or an ankle, that whole area swells up and goes numb. So ..... I hate mosquitos.

Also, a lot of mustaches have been out and about lately. So some of you may or may not know, but March is also known as Mustache March, and the Air Force community takes this very ... very ... very seriously. Not only does the Air Force community take this very seriously but Alex takes it very .... very ... very ... very seriously. Other guys take this month as an excuse to attempt to grow a mustache so that they can creepily leer at ... pretty much anyone. Not Alex. When it comes to growing facial hair, Alex is a champ.

Remember this? 

Who could forget?  Below is a picture of Alex from Mustache March, last year, about a week in. 

And this is from this month, 12 days after he started growing his 'stache. Yeah 12 days. 

I will be sure to get some pictures of Alex at the end of the month, and this is a promise I can keep because his graduation is at the end of the month, and he intends to keep it until April 1. Yeah. The weirdest thing is that I forget that it is unusual for someone Alex's age to have a mustache, especially because I spend most days going on base where a healthy majority of men are sporting caterpillars above their lips, and occasionally we'll bet out, maybe to a nice dinner, and I'll suddenly remember, and I'll think to myself - "We must be quite the unusual sight".

The things we do for love.

On to business. It appears that Alex will be expected in Minot the beginning of June, and so I am planning for my trip back home. My good friend Shannon will be accompanying me on my trip back home and we are really excited to be visiting some national parks as it will coincide with free national park days! So yes, I will be coming home some time in April, and there I will stay, give or take a few days, until they can find us a house up north.

That's all I got for now, check back for those pictures of Alex at the end of the month!

A Ragin' Cajun Month

Alex and I have been having a great time since we have been back. Alex started his MBA program at UNC Chapel Hill, and we are excited to have a team to cheer for come college basketball season. My classes started last week and I must say that I am pretty excited to have something to do again. I am convinced that TV really does rot your brains, and my proof is derived from the fact that I can feel my brain rotting away, like seriously, I'm surprised they haven't just fallen out of my head. Anyways, we have been having a fun month. Alex has been flying a bunch and the wife of another member of Alex's crew and I have decided to make lunches for the boys on their planning days, so I'm looking forward to making some yummy crock pot recipes. Gosh I sound so domesticated. 

So right now it's Mardi Gras season down here in the Bayou and, in true Mardi Gras fashion, we went to a parade yesterday. Now let me tell you, the parade was fun and the company was even better, but it was cold, like REALLY cold. I think it was around 30 degrees and windy and we were freezing. In fact, it was so cold that half of our party decided to leave before the parade started, but we decided to stick it out cause we're tough. Might I add that the people who baby-ed out are from Michigan and Wisconsin, but did we Californians wuss out? Heck no! 

So this is the first float, the parade was called the Krewe of Centaur and so naturally the first float was a centaur man. He must have been freezing, but i'm sure the honorable distinction of being "The Centaur" was worth it .... maybe. 

These are our friends Ryan and Jenny Russell. They toughed out the cold with us, and while Ryan is from S. Dakota, and so this was probably not a big deal to him, Jenny is from Hawaii, so I guess that makes her even more tough than Alex and me! 

We are going to be going to New Orleans with them this weekend for the last weekend before Fat Tuesday and we are super excited. Stay tuned for pictures!

Alex and I waiting for the parade. I'm wearing ... 4 layers of clothing including my jacket under that coat. I've never been accused of being under prepared! 

Alex has been harassing me lately about making Crawfish Etouffe. For those who don't know what Crawfish Etouffe is, it's pretty much sort of a stew made out of crawfish, that you pour over rice and eat. It is DELICIOUS. It is spicy and delicious and just amazing. Anyways, it's crawfish season right now and so I decided to make some Etouffe for the old man. 

I had looked at many recipes and talked to many people, and while most recipes/people bought store bought peeled crawfish tails and used chicken broth ... I'm not most people. When it comes to food, I don't mess around and I want to make the best possible product I can make. So I went to a seafood store and bought live crawfish. Ugh. I have never made lobster before, and I must say that while I was cleaning the craw babies I almost aborted the mission. Alex abandoned me, and I was left alone to deal with the trauma of throwing live, writhing bodies into a vat of boiling water(no matter how delicious the contents of that vat may be). I even considered just taking them down to the river and setting them free. However, I am no coward and I looked every single one in the face and apologized for taking it's life. 

I will spare you the picture of the live crawfish, but here is a picture of my mini crawfish boil. 

After I boiled the crawfish, I made Alex de-shell the crawfish(it was his idea he needs to work for it too!). 

I also made him separate the fat from the crawfish too ... what? Like I said ... it was his idea!

This is the water in which I boiled the crawfish(with other seasonings and veggies), which I designated to be my crawfish stock. 

This is what the etouffe looks like in the pan. 

This is the finished product, served over rice and with a side of french bread. YUM. 

Another Mardi Gras tradition is King Cake. For those of you who haven't had King Cake, holy yum. I can not even begin to describe it, just know that it's delicious. Anyways, when you get a King Cake there is a baby stuck in it, and the person who finds the baby in their slice of cake a) is supposed to have good luck for the next year and b) is supposed to buy the next King Cake. Well, Alex found the baby in this one, and I can't wait to pick out a King Cake for him to buy when we head down to New Orleans. 

Alex almost eating the King Cake Baby. 

Well folks, that's all for this time. I hope you all have a very Happy Valentine's Day/President Day/Fat Tuesday/Whatever you want to celebrate in the time being!

Becoming Mrs. Kroll

Let's talk about the title of this Blog: Becoming Mrs. Kroll. As the year has gone by I have realized just how difficult becoming (insert any sort of new role) really is. The wedding planning can be frustrating and hectic at times, but nothing hurts as much as the necessary growing pains involved as we step into and put on the different hats we will wear in each of our lifetimes. Becoming somebody's wife is a crazy thing, if you think about it. Especially in this day and age. It's not easy to realize that on some days you are going to have to be Mrs. (Your Husband's Name) - I have the power of attorney to back it up! My biggest struggle is that I've got these molds of what I think it means to be a woman and a wife, but in reality there is no way for me to fit into this mold that I have made. Why? Because I'm too BIG for it. Being a wife does not and can not define me, or anyone, and I'm being silly when I try and let it. I need to learn to let it become who I am and let Christina own the role of "wife", and not the other way around. What does this mean for me? Well because of Alex's profession, I had to make the decision between pursuing my own career or supporting his career. The decision was all up to me, and I know that I made the right one, but it's so hard sometimes to think I'm Mrs. Alex Kroll, because I was going to "be somebody" dang it! I suppose the growing up is in knowing that I am somebody. Somebody who was chosen and hand crafted by God to be my own somebody, but with all of these fictional paradigms of what it means to be a woman, a wife, a military wife, etc, sometimes it's tough figuring out who that somebody I was made to be(not that I wanted to be) is. 

While we are on the topic of what it means to be a wife - I think the perception of the difference between men and women is wrong. They say that men are the "fixers" and this is why they dont want to just listen to problems, they want to fix them, while women are ok with listening to problems because ... I guess they aren't "fixers"? Of course women aren't fixers. If we had it our way nothing would be broken in the first place! But seriously, a woman tries so hard to do her best, to impress the rest, to keep everything together, and if something goes wrong, someone wasn't impressed, or things start to fall apart, we take it as a character flaw. We see it as there being something so innately wrong with us that we couldn't have handled the situation in the first place. WHY do we do this to ourselves? More importantly, why do we do this to each other? We work our butts off, we cry, complain to our husbands and very best friends, and then we show up all prim and proper with 30 perfect cookies that survived the cut while the other 500 imperfect cookies are sitting in a ziploc bag labeled "HUSBAND". What is so wrong with those cookies? They are just as delicious! And it helps to show that nothing is ever easy for anyone and I don't understand my own need to make things appear so. 

Blame the church, blame your parents, but mostly blame yourself for perpetuating this sort of self hatred that women seem to contain within themselves. We messed up, big time. At some point the feminist movement came along and decided "Hey you know what, Betty Crocker, this isn't enough for you, you need to beat men in education and work" and that's exactly what we did. We worked harder and longer than our male counterparts and hey look at us now, we are the majority population in college with more girls entering previously "male" professions than ever before. Obviously I'm not saying that women shouldn't be educated or professional, I have major respect for any body who works hard and get what they deserve. I'm saying that we have decided to strive to reach the pinnacles of success(whatever that means) in schools and in the work place, but we, the hearers of that message messed up. We got swept up in trying on all these new hats and never let go of the Betty Crocker image. How many men do you know that try to be Martha at home, an Einstein at school, and Trump in the business world. None. Now how many women do you know who attempt all that; I'm guessing quite a few. So give yourself a break, remember that you're one person, with one life, and your need to do and want to do list are the same, as long as you are truly doing what you want to do. Own becoming a wife, a scholar, a career woman, but don't let it own you. 

And don't take that the wrong way, I'm not of the thought that I can sin because God wants me to be happy. No mam, I'm talking about the true happiness of doing the work that God intended for you. You'll know when you find it, the big smile on your face will give it away. 

To sleep perchance to dream ....

If death were really just a falling into a state of permanent sleep, then despite what Hamlet says, I don't think I would like it at all. I've always had a bit of an off kilter waking life, but my dreaming life has always been very strange. I rarely remember my dreams, but once in a while I get really vivid dreams that are full of color and sound and even taste, but usually I have really, really emotional dreams. It's always been that way. When other kids were dreaming about boogie men under their bed and waking up to the relief of knowing that there is no boogie man under their bed, that all their parents have to do to console them is to allow them to climb into their beds and fall asleep in the security of the little nook that is created between the bodies of Mom and Dad, I had terribly emotional dreams that I would wake up crying hysterically from that, no matter what anyone said to me that day, left me feeling a little bit emptier inside.

To this date I don't remember ever having a nightmare, or a flying dream, or a running away dream, or any of those "normal dreams". I do remember a dream about getting killed, about being left in a ditch that I couldn't climb out of, I've attended numerous funerals - some people I knew, but mostly people I didn't, and this morning I woke up from a dream in which I was being choked to death in front of a group of people I knew and no matter how much I yelled, no one would help me. That, I think, is the reoccurring theme in all of these dreams; I am always helpless to control the circumstances, and abandoned. I don't know where those feelings come from, as I've never been abandoned or even necessarily cared whether I was left alone or not, but apparently I do in my dreams. The feeling of helplessness is also an interesting presence to me, because truthfully, I rarely actually feel helpless. In fact, I was just telling Alex that I probably feel as though I have more control than I actually do. I have trouble falling asleep if Alex isn't home and he's supposed to be coming home that night, not because I feel vulnerable, but because I'm afraid that something will happen to Alex and I won't be "ready" for it; as if my being awake would have any effect on the fate of my loved ones. It makes absolutely no sense, but I've always been that way. I've never been able to sleep when my parents weren't coming home, and I would always feel a little bit nervous until they came home. Even as a child, I would start to get incredibly nervous and scared if my parents came home even an half hour later than usual; standing outside, pacing back at forth all at the age of 6.

It's strange how we have these strange little tendencies and nuances that we are born with, that control who we are despite our efforts to deny them from defining who we are. I try so hard not to be a worrier, to be a reasonable person who understands that the things that I worry about are usually, completely out of my control, and I'm not helping anyone out by being a worrying mess, yet I can't help it. It's just who I am, and try as I might to repress it, this tendency rears it's ugly head at me through my dreaming life and leaves me feeling empty until I go to bed again.

Well Alex and I completed our five day juice challenge and we felt like leaner, cleaner, fighting machines until we decided to binge on pizza, pasta ... and more pizza. We do feel as though it has made an impact on our bodies and we feel as though we are at a great place to ring in a new year with healthier versions of ourselves.

I'm pretty much writing this entry because I just got back from the gym and want an excuse to continue sitting here eating my flat bread chips. (They are so delicious, you need to go get yourselves some if you haven't had any yet. Be sure to get the rosemary and olive oil kind ... you can thank me later.)

I'm currently contemplating finding a new full time job and so that's been taking up a lot of space on my mind lately. It's hard to find a good balance between the things I need to do, want to do, and should do and I can't figure out which category the new job would fit in to. I love subbing at the school but it's so unsteady and if I don't work for a couple of days I start to feel kind of like a bum; I think I'm just one of those people who needs a little anxiety in their lives in order to function properly.

On another note, Alex's brother Ian came to visit us this weekend and we had a lot of fun. We spent the first night in Dallas and then checked out a few antique stores on the way back (I'll give you 1 guess whose idea that was ... here's a hint: it was neither Ian nor me). The next day we showed Ian the base, took him to the Boardwalk, got some drive-thru eggnog daquiris, and of course took him to Bass Pro Shops. He was almost as amazed as we were the first time we went there. Here are some pictures from Ian's trip(that I stole):

Some pictures from the antique stores ...  

 Creepy old lady at the antique store ... there was an unnatural amount of mannequins at this antique store, and they were all posed differently and there was always at least one peering at you no matter which way you turned. We like to think that they come alive when the sun goes down and brutally attack and murder whoever is left there ... 

 Interesting and informative poster at Bass Pro

The boys taking a break at the Boardwalk  

 Alex's new friend ... 

Alex and I trying out poses for our save the dates 

I really should get started on making dinner so I guess I'll get up now ... wish me luck.......