Becoming Mrs. Kroll

Let's talk about the title of this Blog: Becoming Mrs. Kroll. As the year has gone by I have realized just how difficult becoming (insert any sort of new role) really is. The wedding planning can be frustrating and hectic at times, but nothing hurts as much as the necessary growing pains involved as we step into and put on the different hats we will wear in each of our lifetimes. Becoming somebody's wife is a crazy thing, if you think about it. Especially in this day and age. It's not easy to realize that on some days you are going to have to be Mrs. (Your Husband's Name) - I have the power of attorney to back it up! My biggest struggle is that I've got these molds of what I think it means to be a woman and a wife, but in reality there is no way for me to fit into this mold that I have made. Why? Because I'm too BIG for it. Being a wife does not and can not define me, or anyone, and I'm being silly when I try and let it. I need to learn to let it become who I am and let Christina own the role of "wife", and not the other way around. What does this mean for me? Well because of Alex's profession, I had to make the decision between pursuing my own career or supporting his career. The decision was all up to me, and I know that I made the right one, but it's so hard sometimes to think I'm Mrs. Alex Kroll, because I was going to "be somebody" dang it! I suppose the growing up is in knowing that I am somebody. Somebody who was chosen and hand crafted by God to be my own somebody, but with all of these fictional paradigms of what it means to be a woman, a wife, a military wife, etc, sometimes it's tough figuring out who that somebody I was made to be(not that I wanted to be) is. 

While we are on the topic of what it means to be a wife - I think the perception of the difference between men and women is wrong. They say that men are the "fixers" and this is why they dont want to just listen to problems, they want to fix them, while women are ok with listening to problems because ... I guess they aren't "fixers"? Of course women aren't fixers. If we had it our way nothing would be broken in the first place! But seriously, a woman tries so hard to do her best, to impress the rest, to keep everything together, and if something goes wrong, someone wasn't impressed, or things start to fall apart, we take it as a character flaw. We see it as there being something so innately wrong with us that we couldn't have handled the situation in the first place. WHY do we do this to ourselves? More importantly, why do we do this to each other? We work our butts off, we cry, complain to our husbands and very best friends, and then we show up all prim and proper with 30 perfect cookies that survived the cut while the other 500 imperfect cookies are sitting in a ziploc bag labeled "HUSBAND". What is so wrong with those cookies? They are just as delicious! And it helps to show that nothing is ever easy for anyone and I don't understand my own need to make things appear so. 

Blame the church, blame your parents, but mostly blame yourself for perpetuating this sort of self hatred that women seem to contain within themselves. We messed up, big time. At some point the feminist movement came along and decided "Hey you know what, Betty Crocker, this isn't enough for you, you need to beat men in education and work" and that's exactly what we did. We worked harder and longer than our male counterparts and hey look at us now, we are the majority population in college with more girls entering previously "male" professions than ever before. Obviously I'm not saying that women shouldn't be educated or professional, I have major respect for any body who works hard and get what they deserve. I'm saying that we have decided to strive to reach the pinnacles of success(whatever that means) in schools and in the work place, but we, the hearers of that message messed up. We got swept up in trying on all these new hats and never let go of the Betty Crocker image. How many men do you know that try to be Martha at home, an Einstein at school, and Trump in the business world. None. Now how many women do you know who attempt all that; I'm guessing quite a few. So give yourself a break, remember that you're one person, with one life, and your need to do and want to do list are the same, as long as you are truly doing what you want to do. Own becoming a wife, a scholar, a career woman, but don't let it own you. 

And don't take that the wrong way, I'm not of the thought that I can sin because God wants me to be happy. No mam, I'm talking about the true happiness of doing the work that God intended for you. You'll know when you find it, the big smile on your face will give it away.