Growing Pains

Spring is such a wonderful time of year ... in most places of the country any way. It's a nice reprieve from the gloom and cold of winter, with the promise that something sweeter is just around the corner. For those of school-age it's a sign that they are finally about to reach the light at the end of the tunnel, the school year is almost over, and after the long and well deserved break, they will come back older, wiser, and with a completely new identity.

Do not be deceived though, spring comes with some difficult and trying moments. There will always be those random days when storms of various kinds pop up and leave you wondering if it really ever was spring at all, if the winter was ever over, and if summer ever will really come.

I find myself in a season in life much like Spring, despite the fact that the housing office gave me a ticket for excessive snow just last week (yes, I am still bitter).  A lot of changes are happening in my life, all of which I think will be for the better, and yet I find myself reaching, preparing, and waiting for the part that comes after summer .. the Fall. I know it's strange, but it's kind of the feeling that a Junior in High School gets the last month of the school year, the "I'm going to be a SENIOR" next year .. the change of identity that is inevitable with the fall, but requires the hard work during Winter and Spring.

I have realized several things about myself this last Winter, things that call for me to act in such a way that when Fall does come, I am ready to claim the identity that I deserve. While I realize I am being very vague, I think that many of us find ourselves in a position where we realize that what we settled for is not what we are destined for, and this realization demands action from us.

Professionally, I've realized that I'm not very good at being a paralegal. Not because I'm not good at office type work but I'm not good at office type non-work. My job has a lot of down time, and I've realized that a lot of office jobs have a lot of down time, and I am just not good at sitting there and pretending to work when there is no work to be done. It turns me into an angry psychopath, and nobody benefits from this transformation. I had thought about taking steps to find different ways in procuring income but kept coming back to the amount of pay I'm receiving at my job. It's definitely not anything extravagant but it affords me a comfortable lifestyle that doesn't require me to explain to Alex why I just HAD to buy that purse ... and those shoes ... and Oh, these super cute earrings ... and ... you catch my drift. However it did cause me to wonder if staying at this soul crushing job is worth the "things" I am able to buy. The answer, is obviously no, but it's different when you're faced with making the decision.

A couple opportunities have surfaced and I am excited about pursuing them this (literal) Fall. I am also excited with other things I've discovered I actually do want to pursue, but won't be able to realize just yet because of our geographic location (still waiting for the metaphorical Fall).

I feel blessed to have a husband who believes in and supports me so much that he refuses to allow me to be complacent, and reminds me that though spring is nice and summer is nicer, Fall will come for me and I need to be ready to claim the life that I desire and deserve.

I don't think that it's a big mystery why all these changes in my external and internal life are occurring right now. It seems only natural that change would come with (literal) spring, but also over Easter Weekend. The change that calls us to let go of all the things that the World tells you are necessary for a "good" life (i.e: a stable job, material possessions, etc) and pick up a new life in Christ. When Christ conquered death over 2000 years ago, He did not do it so we could live complacent lives that support worldly addictions. He picked up the cross so that we didn't have to. He picked up the cross so that we could pick up Life.

There are sins that are easy to recognize: adultery, theft, murder, jealousy, but there are also sins that are  more difficult to recognize. For me, it comes down to not trusting God to take care of the people I love, and to give me a more fulfilling life than what the "World" has to offer.

So this Easter I urge you to consider the sins you are holding onto that are holding you back from truly living the life that He has planned for you. When you come to the foot of the cross are you laying down  all your sins, and are you picking up the life that Jesus laid down for you or are you walking away empty handed?

"Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to gird yourself and walk wherever you wished; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will gird you, and bring you, where you do not wish to go." Now this He said, signifying by what kind of death he would glorify God. And when He had spoken this, He said to him, "Follow Me!" "